God Bless My Surgeon

As a general rule, I hate doctors (or at least going to them). After dealing with them for over 14 yrs. and being stabbed, cut up, and experimented on, I'm sick of the hospitals and doctors.

 But gotta say, now I have the sweetest surgeon that has ever lived. After 14 blood transfusions, and no money or insurance to pay for the operations (turned down by every doctor) due to no funds, I met a surgeon at the hospital that did two surgeries on me and willing to do another just so that I'll be cured and never have to return to the hospital again- at least not for that.

Going in for my doctor's appointment today  the receptionist said that it'd be $200 up front when I told her that I didn't have insurance. Looking around the waiting room and feeling rather embarrassed I told her that I had no money. As a-matter-of-fact I don't get paid until tomorrow and I have a total of .50 cents in my pocket. I had to borrow money for gas just to get there. Then I told her how I already told the doctor that I had no money and he said make the appointment anyway. So here I am.

With a confused expression on her face, she said, "Well then, we'll just bill you for the $200 then." I didn't know what to say, I was already turning red as it was, so I just said, "Okay."

And so, I'm called back and I'm waiting for the doc wondering if he'll remember who I am. (the surgery was two wks ago and he has thousands of patients and delivers tons of babies). I'm nervous. Is he going to wonder why the hell I'm here when I can't pay him anything? Is he still going to be willing to do the operation knowing that I have no money?

My fears were put to rest, as soon as he walked in I saw the recognition in his eyes and I knew that he remembered who I was. So after asking how I was doing etc., he asks, "So are you still prepared to go through with the operation?"

I said quietly, "I suppose, but I can't stress it enough that I can't pay for the surgery, I can't even pay for this visit."

With a gentle smile he said, "I believe we went over this at the hospital- I'm not charging you for anything, I just want you to be taken care of . Did they ask you for money when you came in here?"

I looked down at the floor. "$200- they said that they'd bill me. I didn't know what to say. I can't pay it, even on a payment plan."

"Was she rude?" Was the first thing out of his mouth.

I shook my head. "I was just a little embarrassed."

He starts scribbling something on my form and then says, "You give this to them when you leave, they'll never ask for anything from you again. Everything I do will be free of charge and I'll convince the hospital that their end will be free, too, when we do the surgery. Understand?"

"Yes," I said with tears in my eyes. I've dealt with this bleeding disorder for so long, with no funds- no operations to stop it. I've almost died over 5 times and now they are having difficulty matching my blood and each time I go in I get less blood. A normal human has around 12 to 16 units in them, I've been down to 1.5- organ failing, heart attack status. This last time I went in early and was down to 4. They could only round up 3 units. So, I'm still low on blood, but doing okay.

The first surgeon I saw at the hospital said that I needed a regular doctor and the hospital was not the place to have this dealt with. I told him that I couldn't afford a doctor-not the visits, nor the operations.

"So are you just going to keep coming in here? Costing the taxpayers money, getting blood tranfusions until there's no blood for you? Then you'll die. We're not doing these operations, you need to see a doctor first."

"I am a taxpayer," I said, "And I don't know what else I can do. I wouldn't have came here if it wasn't a life or death situation. Believe me!"

He sighed heavily. "Well, I don't know. We'll see if we can figure out what to do."

Same reaction from every surgeon I've seen. He won't do anything, because I have no money. Fine just give me my blood and send me out the door until next time.

The next morning in the hospital the doctor came in, but not the same one. A man with a kindness about him that me and my daughter could see right from the start.

"Listen, you need three operations. First you have something called a lesion, it could be cancerous, so I'm going to take that out and have it checked. Then there's two more that will put an end to this problem. I'm thinking about tomorrow, how does that sound?"

I was stunned, the other surgeon said that the operations weren't going to happen. "Okay," I said hesitantly. " But I don't have insurance or money, I can't pay for this. They'll be sueing me for yrs over this hospital stay and the transfusions."

"I didn't ask for money. I'm worried about your well-being, and in the long run it'll save everyone a whole lot more money if you don't have to come here for blood transfusions anymore. Right? Look, this is going to kill you, maybe not next time or the time after, but sooner or later your organs are going to give out. You can't go on like this."

So, next day I had two of the three operations, tests came back negative on the cancer. :) So, I was good to go for the final operation to cure my disorder. But I was released before I got the third one and I was afraid that it wasn't going to happen. Before I was released the surgeon came back in. "Set up an appointment in 2 wks with me and we'll talk about getting that last operation done, I had to wait for the results of the cancer biopsy and I want you to heal, otherwise I would've just done it when you were in surgery."

Anway, he decided that I'm not healed enough yet, so operation is on hold for now. But he says to call if I have any problems what-so-ever and he'll get me into the hospital. His co-worker, nurse, partner?  Not sure, but she said when I call up here ask straight away for her and avoid talking to the receptionists all together. Very sweet woman she hugged me and told me that I was going to make her cry as my tears flowed with gratitude.

Sadly,  I started bleeding again and if the shot doesn't stop it then I'll have to go back to the ER, but this time with a surgeon by my side. :)

One of the best surgeons here, so I'm told. And the kindest man that I have ever met. God blessed me when he created this soul. Thank you, Doctor M. for saving my life and for caring. :)

Even the Coffee is Nasty...

Ugh! Okay, so I'm in the hospital. And this coffee is just disgusting, wth? As if this place wasn't torture enough. One of the nurses brought me a concoction of prune juice, Dr. Pepper, and milk of magnesia. :O I said, "You've got to be kidding." Hmm...it seems as if they rarely, if ever, kid in here.

The other nurse said, "It's okay, you can wash it down with the coffee."

I took a sip of each with my face equally scrunched up and said, "That's great...um...can you maybe give me a hint on which one's actually the coffee?"

And why does the food  that my daughter gets from the cafeteria look and taste way better than the food they deliver to my room? Where did my food come from, the basement?

Anyway, now they think I have some kind of eating disorder because I never order food. Not sure if I should tell them that I've been having it smuggled in from the outside or not. However if they start pulling out a feeding tube, then I reckon everyone will have to go down for this one.  Even the two yr old that snuck the Hershey's bar in for me. Maybe if they go after her, I can make a great escape and streak across the parking lot in my fine hospital gown that never seems to snap or tie right in the back.

I'll tell you one thing, if you need rest never go to the hospital. I don't know wth these people are thinking, but keeping you awake all night seems to be their main goal, even though they don't want you to know that.

They'll say, "Now, you lay down and get you some rest, you're going to need it for tomorrow."

So, now you're all freaked out about what shit they're going to put you through tomorrow, are they going to make you drink chalk, cut pieces out of you, or maybe stick things where things should not be. Whatever they have planned, it's a quarantee that you'll be hurting a hell of a lot more than when you came in.

And if you can by some miracle drift off to sleep here comes the people with needles. In the middle of the night like vampires. "We want your blood."

When you can get over that rude awakening and start to close your eyes, here comes the nurse to do vitals. Then the bloodtakers and the vitalsigntakers take turns all night waking you up. And when they finally stay away long enough for you to pass out, the doc and spectators come in and stare at your no-make up, hair standing straight up, sleepless self, and say, "Hmm...you don't look well. You're going to have to eat and sleep more or we're going to have to do more tests on you to find out what's wrong with you."

Nooooooooooooo...no more cutting, stabbing, poking, prodding, and slicing. Hm...I don't even remember what the hell I was admitted for, but with all these new injuries I guess it really doesn't matter.

*curls up in corner and rocks back and forth*



p.s. the nurses are the greatest. And the doctor has offered to slice me up for free. So, that's pretty cool.

Been Meaning to Blog More...

Grandtot was ill and was put in the hospital, so the blog has suffered a bit this month. She is now doing much better and will be released soon, however, now I'm rather ill. It just never stops. *sighs*

Anyway, today is the last day for WiH month, however if anyone still wants to participate in a guest blog on it I'm willing to carry it into March. Just let me know. :) I can work on it while getting stabbed and prodded in the hospital if I have to go. (am sooooooo putting off going).

Thank you all for your interest. :) I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

In March, I also plan on getting a story up at Amazon and putting an excerpt of it up in here. I'm so excited. :)

Why I Write Horror

I love writing horror, I suppose it started with my love for reading horror. At eleven I read Salem's Lot by Stephen King and yes, I was up all night staring at the window as a branch scraped against it, the wind making it sway from side to side casting shadows across my bedroom wall. It seems as if I was drawn to the tension and fear. I also watched Amityville Horror and The Exorcist at a very young age. Unfortunately, getting the crap scared out of me at such a young age raised the bar for anything else as I got older and now it's almost impossible to find anything that makes me unnerved like it did back then. Oh, some things come along and I think well that should be scary...but...

So, I guess I write horror in search for something that will actually freak me out and see if I can convey that feeling on paper so that others can feel it, too. The build-up, suspense, and the underlying feeling of dread is what I strive for in writing. And then, of course, not to let any of my readers down in the end, but I guarantee that if I'm creating the tension of what's to come, then something evil and twisted will be right around the corner waiting...for you.

Celebrating the Third Year of Women in Horror

For those who didn't know, February is the time to celebrate Women in Horror http://www.womeninhorrormonth.com/ . So, every week I'll be posting a book or author pic. of  some of our well known women horror writers. My third post for WiH is on Gemma Files, and here's an article for you to learn a little more about the author via wiki.

Gemma Files is a Canadian horror writer, journalist, and film critic. Her short story, "The Emperor's Old Bones", won the International Horror Guild Award for Best Short Story of 1999. Five of her short stories were adapted for the television series The Hunger.
Gemma Files graduated Ryerson Polytechnic University in 1991 with a degree in journalism; various freelance assignments eventually led to a continuing position with entertainment periodical eye Weekly (www.eye.net), where she gained local repute as an insightful commentator on the horror genre, independent films and Canadian cinema. She was listed by Cameron Bailey of NOW Magazine as one of the Top 10 Coolest People In Canadian Cinema for 1996. She has also written reviews for www.film.com and for the Canadian horror magazine Rue Morgue.



*note that previous posts moved here- http://night7flyer.blogspot.com/p/women-in-horror.html *sorry, couldn't move the comments*

Me And Writing...

Okay, so I'm not exactly soaring my way to the top. It's more like I'm crawling, clawing at the dirt going uphill in a blizzard during a tornado with 100 mph winds shoving me backwards. But hey, I'm trying.

Being a well-known (or even heard of by one person) author or artist is all I've ever dreamed of. I've been writing/drawing/reading since I could pick up a crayon and put words together. And while many dreams have died and been buried along the side of the road of life, this dream has somehow managed to stow away in my heart, stubbornly clinging on to life and hope.

And though my hope in dreams has long ago run dry, this dream still believes in me. Persistent in its will to survive and waiting for me to make it flourish. So I'm giving it my best shot against all odds and trying my damnedest to make it happen.

I am currently working on a novel, an apocalyptic tale of a teenager seeking his younger brother in a chaotic world of death and madness. A world filled with cannibals, Dements, scavengers, insanity, and... the 'normal' or so Jacob and his friends call themselves, but are they really the normal ones? A sf/horror, "One of Us".

I've also done some short stories mostly horror, and though I've gotten the big 'R's I still have hope that they might be published one day.

It's been a long, hard road, but the dream lives on. And dammit, I don't care if I reach ninety and am on my deathbed, I'll still be subbing until someone sees something in my writing. For what good is it if no one ever gets to read it? I shall try until I'm dead to get my stories out there or die trying.

Will blog soon...for now: some of my artwork. :)




Forest Floor (oil paint)                                          

                  

*note- Copying or taking these without my permission for your own use is illegal.