Ugh! Okay, so I'm in the hospital. And this coffee is just disgusting, wth? As if this place wasn't torture enough. One of the nurses brought me a concoction of prune juice, Dr. Pepper, and milk of magnesia. :O I said, "You've got to be kidding." Hmm...it seems as if they rarely, if ever, kid in here.
The other nurse said, "It's okay, you can wash it down with the coffee."
I took a sip of each with my face equally scrunched up and said, "That's great...um...can you maybe give me a hint on which one's actually the coffee?"
And why does the food that my daughter gets from the cafeteria look and taste way better than the food they deliver to my room? Where did my food come from, the basement?
Anyway, now they think I have some kind of eating disorder because I never order food. Not sure if I should tell them that I've been having it smuggled in from the outside or not. However if they start pulling out a feeding tube, then I reckon everyone will have to go down for this one. Even the two yr old that snuck the Hershey's bar in for me. Maybe if they go after her, I can make a great escape and streak across the parking lot in my fine hospital gown that never seems to snap or tie right in the back.
I'll tell you one thing, if you need rest never go to the hospital. I don't know wth these people are thinking, but keeping you awake all night seems to be their main goal, even though they don't want you to know that.
They'll say, "Now, you lay down and get you some rest, you're going to need it for tomorrow."
So, now you're all freaked out about what shit they're going to put you through tomorrow, are they going to make you drink chalk, cut pieces out of you, or maybe stick things where things should not be. Whatever they have planned, it's a quarantee that you'll be hurting a hell of a lot more than when you came in.
And if you can by some miracle drift off to sleep here comes the people with needles. In the middle of the night like vampires. "We want your blood."
When you can get over that rude awakening and start to close your eyes, here comes the nurse to do vitals. Then the bloodtakers and the vitalsigntakers take turns all night waking you up. And when they finally stay away long enough for you to pass out, the doc and spectators come in and stare at your no-make up, hair standing straight up, sleepless self, and say, "Hmm...you don't look well. You're going to have to eat and sleep more or we're going to have to do more tests on you to find out what's wrong with you."
Nooooooooooooo...no more cutting, stabbing, poking, prodding, and slicing. Hm...I don't even remember what the hell I was admitted for, but with all these new injuries I guess it really doesn't matter.
*curls up in corner and rocks back and forth*
p.s. the nurses are the greatest. And the doctor has offered to slice me up for free. So, that's pretty cool.